Finding Clarity
by Br'erRabbit92
Summary: Set during 'Sam, Interrupted' 5x11. Annie Harvelle has just lost her mother and sister. She's lost, confused, and feels utterly alone. But hopefully with the company of the Winchester's and keeping her head in the job at hand, she'll find clarity in her crazy, monster filled life. Maybe along the way a certain someone will help her feel as if she was never truly alone.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Alone wasn't even the right word to describe how I felt. Abandoned, hurt, devastated were all better contenders. From the moment my mother and sister died, I was stricken with the realization that from here on out, I could only rely on myself. No longer was there going to be someone who I could run to when things got tough. No longer would there be anyone who would love me unconditionally, not without there being a chance of heartbreak. Maybe alone _could_ describe me, but I'd rather call it independent. However, what I didn't see at the time was that independent was a very lonely thing to be. I didn't know any better than lonely. That was until I opened my eyes and saw the man right in front of me. He made me eventually learn, I was never alone.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I stood beside Dean, watching around the institute waiting area. Patients moved in and out, some being accompanied by doctors, others shuffling through with glazed over expressions. Many sat about doing child-like things such as coloring or messing with stuffed animals. Most of them, however, seemed off in their own little worlds, mumbling to themselves or fidgeting. It looked like the waiting room of an insane asylum straight out of a horror movie before all the killing begins. I, on the other hand, was trying to stay out of getting lost in my own thoughts. Everything, anything I could think of to get my mind away from the recent death of my mother and sister was enough to keep me sane for the time being.

"How was your silk wood shower?"

Hearing Dean's voice, I suddenly looked up to see him talking to Sam who had just walked up.

"Okay. Yeah, good. Yeah, good, um, good water pressure," Sam rambled. "Did the nurse..."

"She was very thorough," Dean concluded.

I didn't want to know what they meant, but I had my guesses.

"Yeah. Yeah, good. Good."

There was a moment of silence as Dean scanned the room.

"I can't believe you talked me into this," He said aloud.

"Hey, it's the least we could do. Martin saved Dad's ass more times than we can count. He's a great hunter." Sam explained.

"Was," Dean said. "Until Albuquerque."

"Albuquerque?" I wondered, giving Dean a puzzled expression, but he just waved it off.

"Besides," Sam continued. "I figure it's best we just keep busy. That's all."

I nodded solemnly in agreement. If only he knew how hard that was for me.

"Better than what?" Dean suddenly questioned.

"Nothing, I'm just...worried."

Dean rolled his eyes, "Oh, come on, Sam. Stop. Look, just because we're in the loony bin doesn't give you the right to head-shrink us."

"Dean-" Sam tried to intervene, glancing over at me with a tense expression.

"Ellen and Jo dying...yeah, it was a friggin' tragedy, okay? But we can't wallow in it."

"Dean!" Sam cried, sharply moving his eyes towards me again.

"No, he's right," I began, coldly. "We shouldn't wallow in it."

Of course I didn't agree. All I wanted to do for the past two weeks was cry and be swallowed up in my own self-pity. But I couldn't do that. It would only make me weak, slow me down.

Deans expression softened as he heard my tone. He opened his mouth to say something, but I quickly cut him off.

"Which one's him?"

"Uh," Dean glanced around before pointing. "There."

I followed Dean's gaze to the window. A man, ballad with a gray shaggy-bread, sat alone beside it.

As we walked over, he looked up and smiled.

"Sam, Dean, wow," Martin began, shaking Sam's hand. "Wow, you boys got big. You look good. And you are?"

"Annie...Harvelle," I replied as we took our seats at the table.

"Oh, sure! I know you your mom!"

I nodded, giving him a generous smile while fully aware of Dean and Sam's eyes watching me.

"Uh, well, thanks for coming," Martin said. "In the old days, I could've taken care of this thing with both hands tied behind my back, but...well now..."

"What do you think it is that we're hunting?" Sam asked.

Martin shook his head, "I don't know yet. A ghost, a demon, monster...animal, vegetable, mineral. Hospital's had five deaths in the past four months. Doctors keep calling it suicides, but they're wrong."

"So you've seen this thing?" I inquired.

Martin simply shook his head again.

"Has anyone seen this thing?"

"Well, a couple patients have, uh, had glimpses, but they're not a lot to go on."

I nodded, looking over to Dean as he spoke.

"Are they reliable?"

"Oh, sure, why wouldn't they be?" Martin sincerely wondered.

I rolled my eyes.

"Gee, I don't know," Dean's sarcasm was apparent as he motioned around at the sickly patients, dancing about like idiots.

"I know you guys think I'm a bag of loose screws. Now, you wouldn't be wrong," Martin explained. "But I wouldn't have called you unless there was something here. I can feel it in my gut."

I caught a glimpse of Sam's more than skeptic expression. To be honest, I'd met crazier.

"We believe you," Sam claimed, reluctantly. "Have you checked any of the bodies? Found signs of an attack?"

"Well, no. I don't go around dead b-b-b-bodies anymore," Martin stammered, getting a somewhat crazy glint in his eyes as he began flinching.

Suddenly, a shadow came over us from behind. Turning in our seats, we came to see Dr. Fuller standing over us.

"Alex, Eddie, Sadie," He nodded to the three of us, using the fake names we put in our files. "Well, I'm glad to see you're making friends. Why don't you and, uh, Mr. Creaser join us for group? Please. Right this way."

The four of us stood, ready to agree to whatever ridiculous therapy session they had set up. I, however, was very cautious of this supposed Dr. Fuller. He irked me. Whether it was his condescending tone or his eyes that seemed to stare you down hard, I couldn't tell exactly what it was about him that made me so antsy.

As Sam and Martin walked on, Dr. Fuller stuck out an arm, stopping Dean and I.

"Actually, I'm going to be putting you two in the afternoon class," He told us.

"What? Why?" Dean questioned.

"I just think some separation would be good for you," He explained with a strange, almost cold smile. "Please, enjoy the lounge."

The doctor walked off, making a beeline to wherever he needed to be.

Sam looked back, confused, but Dean just waved him on.

"Well," I huffed. "Want to play some checkers?"


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Ha! King me!" Dean chuckled, moving his final piece.

I, being the sore loser that I was, picked up the small round checker and throw it at him.

"Ow!" He whined, gripping his now bruised shoulder.

I smirked, leaning back in my seat, satisfied for the moment. But it didn't last long.

"Eddie?" A feminine voice suddenly spoke.

Dean and I looked up to see a young woman in a doctors coat smiling down at us.

"I'm Dr. Erica Cartwright," She greeted. "I've been assigned to your case."

"You're my shrink?" Dean mused, looking her up and down. "Lucky me."

I made a not so subtle scoff at his comment, earning a slight glance from him.

"And you're my," She began as she opened the file she held and read, "Paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious psychosis. Lucky me."

Dean just smirked, looking down at the checkerboard, awkwardly.

"Can we talk? Alone?" She shot me a glare.

I resisted the urge to make a face at her and stood, offering my seat in mock response.

I gave Dean a quick 'good luck' look before walking away.

Moving over past a few patients, I stopped to sit on a nearby couch in listening range of Dean and Dr. Cartwright's conversation.

"Sister?" She asked him.

"Huh? Oh, no."

"Girlfriend?"

"No, no, we're just friends."

As those words rolled off Dean's tongue, I couldn't help but feel the slight disappointment that clenched my heart.

When I met the Winchesters, something of a spark hit me when I first laid eyes on Dean. That rugged handsomeness seemed to dwell on me at the time. But as I came to notice, Jo had the same feelings I did. So, being the nice big sister I am- or was - I let it go. I sat back and watched her make googly eyes at him when the brothers came around and honestly didn't think much of it. Probably because it was apparent Dean always saw her more as a sister. She was much younger than him, always eager, somewhat immature, but that didn't stop her from trying.

I wiped away a few tears that dampened my cheeks. I couldn't do this to myself, not now. Thinking of her was just too painful.

I lost all interest in listening to Dean's conversation with the doctor and stood to roam the halls, looking for a distraction.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Annie!" Sam called from behind me.

I quickly wiped my puffy, wet eyes as I turned to him. As it turns out, finding distractions wasn't my forte.

He frowned upon seeing me, "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good," _Liar. _"Where's Dean?"

As if on cue, a tormented-looking Dean walked up.

"What's wrong?" I questioned.

"I just got theraped. That was _not _okay. Please tell me one of you found something?"

"Yeah," Sam said. "A guy says he saw the creature. We should talk to him. You want to meet here in an hour?"

"Yeah, sooner we take care of this thing, sooner we get gone. This place gives me the creeps."

Just as Dean turned around, a light brown haired woman blocked his path. With one flash of a seductive smile, she gripped the back of his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss.

For about ten seconds, Sam and I stood awkwardly as the two made out. All the while, that small feeling of what was once disappointment now turned to jealousy took hold of my heart. It was only an inkling, but nevertheless it was not a feeling that I welcomed.

The woman finally pulled back, keeping her hands around him, "Hi."

"Hi," Dean repeated, staring back at her with a playful smile.

"I'm Wendy," She spoke smoothly and softly.

"Huh," Was all Dean replied as she began to walk away, but not before planting a firm smack on his butt.

He turned back around, watching her leave with an alluring glint in his eyes, "Maybe this place isn't so bad after all."

"Dude," Sam spoke. "You _cannot _hit that."

Dean strained his neck to see Wendy vanish behind a corner, "Oh, so torn."

I rolled my eyes, scoffing as I proceeded on, just wishing this day would end.

We had to wait till nightfall before being able to visit Ted, Sam's supposed lead.

Dean and I were on our way towards Sam's room, being cautious not to run into any staff who would ultimately send us back to our rooms.

The space between us remained quiet for awhile, until Dean unexpectedly spoke up.

"So how you holding up?"

Caught off guard by his question, I stopped and spun around to look at him, "What?"

"How are holding up?"

"How am I holding up?" I retorted, trying to keep my voice low even though I was now suddenly very pissed. Who was _he _to ask me a question like _that_? Could he not tell I was upset, frustrated? Could he not tell I was on the brink of depression, wanting to just run away from it all? Apparently not.

"Yeah," He said, clearly confused by my reaction.

"How the hell do you think I'm holding up?" I nearly cried.

"Okay," He held his hands up in defense. "I get it, too soon."

I scoffed, turning my back to him as I continued walking and mumbled, "Why would you even ask such a dumb ass question?"

"Excuse me for trying to care," He snorted.

"And here I thought you were just an egotistical son of a bitch. Guess you proved me wrong," I lolled with sarcasm.

My emotions were circling around me, engulfing me in rage, hatred, and desolation. All I wanted to do was scream.

"Hey," Dean's rough voice barked as he gripped my arm and gently pushed me against the hallway wall. "Look, I know you're hurting. We're all hurting. But you need to keep your emotions in check."

"Like you? The way you keep everything bottled inside until you explode?"

"This isn't about me. This is about you, okay? Now pull it together, 'cause we have a job to do." He pushed away from me and kept walking down the hall.

"I think I've done pretty damn well for having lost the only family I had." I mumbled through gritted teeth and holding back tears as I followed behind him.

Dean didn't say anything more until we reached Sam's room just as Sam was exiting it into the hallway.

"Finally," Sam breathed, holding up the lock pick.

"The nurses just finished making their rounds," Dean proclaimed. "I'd say we have ten or fifteen minutes tops."

"Let's go then," Sam pressed, as he caught a glimpse of me all red-faced and annoyed. "Annie, you okay?"

"Peachy," I barely uttered before stomping off in the direction we needed to go.

Dean muttered something to Sam as I walked away, but I was too irritated to care what it was.

The two caught up just as we turned the corner. A sudden horrifying and muffled scream echoed down the corridor.

After a quick exchange of looks, the three of us rushed forward to the room that held the shrieking man. His cries for help did next to nothing and the small window on the room's door kept us from seeing what had him.

Sam quickly tried to pick the lock on the ironclad door all the while Ted was fighting to get out.

"Hurry up, hurry up!" Dean shouted at Sam.

"Back off, Dean!" Sam barked in reply, sending his brother a menacing glare that took us both by surprise.

Sam finished picking the lock, bursting through the door only to be too late.

Ted's limp body was dangling by a bed sheet noose from the ceiling.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Hey, I think I found something," Sam exclaimed.

The three of us were standing over Ted's dead body where it lay on a drawer table in the hospital morgue. Sam, being the brave soul of the group, was poking around the body, looking for anything suspicious to suggest his death wasn't _just_ a suicide.

"What do you got?" Dean questioned, coming over to look.

"Right here," He pointed to a small puncture in the side of Ted's head. "Uh, give me a hand."

Dean held the deceased man's head back while Sam grabbed a Q-tip off a nearby table and slowly worked it into the hole.

The repulsive sound of gushy human flesh made me cringe. Dealing with corpses was definitely not my favorite part of this job.

"This hole goes all the way through to his brain," Sam stated.

"What does that mean?" Dean wondered.

"Let's find out," Sam suggesting, looking in the direction of a clean cut bone saw.

"Oh!" I cried in disgust, closing my eyes to get rid of the mental images.

"You two might want to keep watch."

And so we did, stepping into the hall while Sam went to work.

I stood across from Dean, leaning against the wall, just realizing how much I was staring at him. Not because of my new found feelings towards him, but the mere fact that I was trying to analyze the man.

His exterior was tough and limber, but his emerald eyes told a far deeper story. In all honesty, I didn't know the person he really was. I only knew him as the cocky, bad ass hunter he wanted everyone to think he was. Maybe his random, unprincipled, act of caring towards me last night was his true self in a tough guy disguise? It didn't seem to be meant as an insult, it just came across as one. It was a lack of common sense. Wow could guys be idiots.

"What?" Dean sharply hollered at me, a cross look on his face as he noticed my staring.

"Nothing, I was just..." I trailed off, being caught off guard by, well, _him_.

His eyes glared at me in a hurt, tempered sort of way. When I didn't continue taking, he arched an eyebrow, giving me a wide-mouthed look of expectancy.

I re-gathered my wits, "I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry for snapping at you last night. I know you were just being a concerned friend," I explained, giving him a half smile.

He hesitated, as if trying to figure out if this was a sort of ploy, "Thanks...I guess."

Satisfied, I glanced back down the hall, feeling his eyes, however, still on me. I turned to speak again, but was interrupted by footsteps echoing down the hall.

Dean quickly opened the door to the morgue, silently ushering me in.

He followed, "Dude."

"Look," Sam cried, cutting him off and holding up what looked like a charred hamburger. "His brain's been sucked dry."

I turned away, making a slight gagging noise as I did.

Dean merely cringed, "That's fascinating. Someone's coming."

We took off, Sam cleaning up the mess he made of Ted's body, Dean putting away the tools, and I wiping up spilled blood. We finished just as the nurse walked in.

"What are you three doing in here?" She asked, directly.

Sam and I's incredible loss for words was intervened with Dean's sudden outburst.

Pulling down his pants and throwing his hands in the air, he cried, "Pudding!" Like an eight-year-old boy.

A chortle easily escaped my mouth. It was the first time I'd laughed since losing my mother and Jo.

Apparently the nurse found it humorous as well, "All right, come on, you three," She said with a giggle.

Dean promptly pulled his pants back up, turning to face Sam and I as he headed for the door, "Crazy works," He whispered at us.

I exchanged a quick smirk with Sam before heading out as well.


End file.
